What...if...

I was so blue... it's about 1:17 am here and outside, the temperature is about -20 o C... I don't know why I have this feeling of emptiness. After seeing [you] last night, I couldn't do anything else... It was Saturday night but I couldn't even watch a movie or read a book. There was a big emptiness both in my heart and in my head...

I used to think that I have the answer to everything... but this world doesn't always go my own way... I have to accept [something] even I don't like... what if the one who told about "love" weren't you? what if it was me? what if I even love you more than you love me? what should I do now? what do you think? what will move on? I am so scared...

As I usually tell you that I got scared when things come so fast... because fast come fast go... I really don't want any bad thing happen to our relationship... it's hard, very hard to me to open my heart with someone... and even harder to have a friend like you... at that far away...

I really want to continue writting my feelings here... but it seems like I can't. I am so blue.